May 25, 2012

10 evil pranks that you can do to become anti-social

I'm a sick bastard.

For a few months now I have been thinking a lot of these thoughts in my head about things that I could not do, but I wish I can do and look up people's reaction as I do it. I'm talking about doing things that break the usual uniformity of being included in a social group. We are unquestionably expected to follow the norm -- like how we wait in line to order fast food, patiently waiting for the red traffic light to turn to green, how we try to make conversation to someone you're seated with in an airplane. 

But what if we don't follow that? What if we break out of what we usually do and surprise everyone by being anti-social. Below is a list of ten things you can try and do to your daily lives. I am not suggesting you do all, as you might end up in jail -- but it is a wonder how would normal people react if you pull these off on them. And yes -- ripping of the famous Zune tagline -- Welcome to the anti-social.


1. One of the earliest anti-social thought I had in mind involves you pretending to be in a phone call. The scenario is that you are in a public transportation, either a bus, an airplane, or in a subway. And what you need to find is someone that you can seat beside with, and it is not important if you sat beside them first or they did. Just start your Academy-award-winning pretend of being in a phone call, and it is not important of who you call or the initial subject of the conversation is, like you can talk about plans for dinner, how do you miss the person on the other line, or even just pretend to laugh uncontrollably in this pretend call. The prank for this one, and it is really important that the person beside you hears it, and that you say this loudly, "This person beside me smells. Let me find another seat." And then stand up, move to a seat the farthest away to that person, and do not look back. I do not think you can look back anyway. 

 2. This prank also involves a mobile phone. And the victims for this one are group of people that you do not know. You know those group of friends you might encounter while you are in a food court, in a public restroom, or specially in a movie theater. Pull this prank off if you are annoyed how loud they are talking and laughing by themselves. Make sure you get their attention, maybe you can stand up, and pull out your phone, and move it close to your mouth and say, "Siri, how can I shut up noisy people?" Wait till Siri answers, or if you do not have an iPhone, wait for 5 seconds and then say, "Stupid phone!" If you got those old Nokia phones from the past, I think the prank will work better. Just right after you made a scene, make sure you slide down to your seat and wear your hoodie on, and stay silent throughout the movie if you are in a theater.

3. Next is inspired by people who inappropriately put hashtags on Facebook where the use is nonsense. This may be the only thing in this list that I have done in real life deliberately, and what you do is that you add hashtags in everything that you dare say in public. Tell to your friends, "Hey, let's eat! hashtag I'mHungry." or "I broke a nail earlier. hashtag SillyMe!" Your goal for this prank is to be a living human Twitter Handle. And inspired by my coworker, you can also try and end your sentences with dot-com's. Like, say to someone, "May I borrow a pen, please.com?", "Who's watching the game tonight.com?"

4. Have a conversation with someone, and make sure some people can hear you. Suddenly stop and say, "Do not rape me, okay?!" And then run.

5. The next time you're paying for something, for example a meal from McDonald's, or even on a fancy restaurant where you get a bill after you eat, try and giving them a small amount way lesser than what you should really pay. Like if the total amount is say, $30, and just pay them a dollar, for example. Pretend that you are not aware that you have given them a small amount and look on their faces. I have done this one before but not on purpose, and I could not forget the face of the lady in the cashier. She looked like she just witnessed a murder. It is so funny. Then pretend and say, "Oh sorry, I thought I have the correct amount," and be a good Samaritan and pay them the correct amount.

6. I work in a contact center, and being a representative I always need to repeat something to a customer to something they did not understand I said. If you work in a similar type of business, where you assist customers, what you can do is try to tell them really inappropriate sentences where they would really ask again on what you've said. Sentences like, "If I understand you correctly, we will just trim your pubes, is that correct?", "let me just get my manager if they can punch you in the face, alright?", "Did you receive my sex message?", "That is one large coke, fries, and spaghetti cockballs."

I just imagine your customers saying, "excuse me?!?!" and then repeat what you've said. When they try and repeat what they though they've heard, like if you heard them react like, "What do you mean you're going to trim my pubes? Are you insane?!" then immediately reply and pretend to be surprised, and say, "Oh my god, I said we will just check about the problem with your computer! What you said is so inappropriate. I would need to end the call if you continue behaving this way." Just be prepared to be fired if you seriously did this.

7. Deliberately get someone's phone while they are in a call and drop it to the floor. And then make this face [click here] And then run.

8. This next one involves a really close friend who is trying to tell something really serious to you. Maybe they just broke up with someone and needed company, maybe they needed some advise, or any other serious stuff. Once your friend is giving all of the details of his/her problem, respond only by uttering "aah ahhh ahhh ahhh ah ahhhah ah ahh ahhh ahh ahhh" you know, like the sound penguins make. Do not utter any words that make sense. To be more penguin-like, sway your arms wildly like how Joshua Ladet from American Idol sings. Secretly time your friend on how long he or she will stay while you become a penguin. The longer they stay, the longer you know how much they really love... penguins err I mean you.

9. Bring your music player with you in a public place. put on your earphones, listen to your music, and then dance like a crazy person and sing along to the song out of tune. And then run.

10. Promise 10 things in a blog post and only deliver 9 items. [Seriously though I am just really sleepy.] But anyway, comment on this post if you actually have done anything in this list. Or if you have any more sick anti-social pranks that you want to share, or if you think that I need help, you can comment on that as well!

And I run.


 
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